Rescue Me from Doubt
by Riku no Kairi
Summary: The doubting voice in Riku's head seems determined to make him unhappy. When did that voice show up... Has it always been there? RikuKairi
1. Lunchtime

Author's Note: This is my first fic so go easy please! I had been wanting to write a Riku/Kairi since I like the pairing. One aspect of this fic was kind of inspired by one of ChibiFrubaGirl's fics, I would have let her know I was doing this, but I have no way of contacting her except through reviews and I thought it would be a little tasteless to talk to her about my fic in a review for her fic... Please get a hold of me and we can talk about it, I would definitely be willing to work something out if you're unhappy, ChibiFrubaGirl.

Rated for some possible language and adult themes. Also, this takes place after KH2 and there are possible and probable spoilers of the KH1, KH:CoM, and KH2 variety. So if you are for some reason reading KH fanfics without having played those games _and_ care about spoilers, you are a little stupid, but turn away nonetheless.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, anything Disney, or... anything interesting, really.

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Riku looked up from his almost-finished lunch to see Sora walking up to his table talking to the new girl, Garnet. She transferred about a week ago but it seemed like her "new" status would stay with her until the school got another new student, possibly next semester. Just one quirk of attending a tiny high school.

"...her heart stolen so we had to go save her! Riku and I ended up getting separated, but we found each other eventually. While we were separated I met Donald and Goofy, they were looking for--"

"Not _this_ story again!" Seifer interrupted from another table as Sora and Garnet got within earshot. "You can't seriously tell me you're believing this, Garnet. He's been babbling about this insane story ever since he and Riku came back after being missing for a few months."

Garnet kind of smiled in a way that showed she didn't really believe what Sora was saying but didn't want to be so rude as to tell him that. Sora didn't notice the half-smile, though, "Come on, she asked me to tell her! I know it would probably be hard to believe, but it's true! You believe me, right Garnet?"

"Well, um..." Stuck between hurting Sora's feelings and being made fun of by Seifer, she thought fast, "I don't know yet, you should tell me more of it before I decide if I believe it."

Riku laughed to himself as Sora went back to his story. He looked at the remnants of his lunch again, deciding he couldn't eat any more, though not necessarily out of fullness. As he stood up to go, Sora looked up at him.

"You're not leaving already, are you Riku? I'm just getting to the good part!"

"That's ok, I've heard this story a few too many times. See you in a bit, Sora." Riku waved to Sora and Garnet.

Riku pushed his way through people who were still in line for food and people who were just coming in to mooch off of their friends. Once he got outside, he felt much better. The cafeteria and hallways always bothered him. Somehow his school of 600 or so students was still ridiculously crowded. He made his way to a grassy area where he liked to sit and think. It was an inclined area that led up to the baseball field, so it was easy to sit or lay comfortably.

As he sat down, he saw Tidus, Wakka, and the others playing hacky sack. He thought to himself what a silly game that was. Riku decided to lay back so that he could feel the warm sun over him with the prickly grass underneath. It was a really beautiful afternoon. Then Riku heard a familiar voice calling him. He looked around and saw Kairi walking up to him.

"What are you up to, Riku?"

"Oh, just relaxing. If you're looking for Sora, he's in the cafeteria." As he finished his sentence, he noticed Kairi begin to pout. He really couldn't help but be taken by how cute she looked with her lips pursed like that. She was such a warm and happy person, though, that she never looked quite right pouting.

"If I was looking for Sora, I would have asked you about him or gone on looking..."

"Oh, I just thought--"

_"...that you would much rather be around him." _A voice inside Riku's head finished. He couldn't bring himself to actually say it though.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"Well," Kairi gave up on pouting and went back to grinning, "don't worry, it'll take a little bit more than that to upset me. I was just a little taken aback because I came over here to talk with my buddy Riku but he just pushed me away to talk to Sora instead. If you want me to let you relax by yourself, you could have just said that."

"Oh come on Kairi..." Riku began, "quit giving me such a hard time. You know I love being around you." Riku's expression as he finished that sentence must have been amusing as he realized what he had just said.

"_Did I really... just use the word 'love' in the same sentence as 'you' directed at Kairi...?"_

Riku's face began to flush and he suddenly wished he could notice something very interesting in the direction away from Kairi.

As Kairi watched Riku go from a startled expression to beet red, to frantically searching for something to look at away from her, she couldn't help but giggle.

"Riku, you should learn how to hide your embarrassment a little better. Anyways, I need to go see if I can mooch some food off of Sora, I'll talk to you later, Riku." Kairi said as she stood up to begin walking away.

"Wait!" Riku yelled, reaching for her, "You just came over to bug me? You didn't have any real reason for interrupting my peace?"

"Umm..." Kairi brought a slender finger to her chin as she raised her eyes and thought, "nope, not particularly." Kairi then put on a slightly malicious grin and continued walking toward the cafeteria.

"_So she _was _just looking for Sora. I guess that's to be expected... She couldn't have just come out and told me that, she's not that kind of person."_

"_You don't deserve that kind of treatment though, she's way too nice to you. I doubt she knows all of what you did when you gave into the darkness. She couldn't to still treat you the way she does. I wonder if she believes Sora's censored version of the story where you 'got separated' but still helped him out. Pah! What a load, where does he come up with that kind of stuff?"_

"_But I gave into the darkness for her..."_

"_That doesn't matter, you 'sacrificed' yourself for her and gave into the darkness for what? For Sora to come along with his pureness and save her anyway."_

Riku's thoughts wandered and he had a mental image of Sora and Kairi in the cafeteria, joking and giggling with each other and both of them being honestly happy.

"_She would be a lot better off with Sora, If I could just see her as only a friend, everyone would be happy. My happiness isn't very necessary though, I don't deserve it..."_

The school bell broke him from his reverie so he began to try and shake the doubting voice off and gather his things to go to class.

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Author's Note: Well, there's the first chapter. I think I'm happy with it, please review and let me know what you think of it. If you feel you need to be harsh go ahead, I'm tough so I can take it. XD

Something other than Riku-self-bashing should happen in the next chapter. Or not, I make no promises. This is after all a rather angsty fic.


	2. The Dance

Author's Note: Well, this really took me a lot longer than it should have, I'm sorry. I just ended up having a bit of writer's block with a part that was very specifically in my head that I knew I wouldn't be able to write out the way I wanted to, then life got in the way, as it tends to. Well, to make a long story shorter, here I am sitting in my new apartment (yay) without any internet (boo) thinking, 'what is there to do on my computer without the internet?' And then I realized this existed, so I just forced myself through the hard part. You shouldn't have to read all of this rambling, get on to the chapter now, haha.

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Riku sat in his English class, bored out of his mind. The teacher droned on about parts of speech and grammar. For some reason, the new English teacher, Seymour, thought all of the sophomores were idiots. Riku didn't mind too much though, because that just meant an easy A for him in that class.

"_Didn't I learn this back in fourth grade?"_

Riku sighed to himself and went back to doodling. Not many of the students had any kind of respect for Seymour so nobody really paid attention to him. That was pretty evident by the level of noise in the room, almost everyone was talking.

Out of the din of the classroom, a conversation stood out, "You've got a cruush!" Riku glanced back to see the source of the sing-song voice. He saw Yuna and Yuffie seemingly poking fun at Kairi. As he was turning away, he noticed the girls begin to look in his direction. Shushing noises and giggling immediately followed.

"So? Are you going to ask him to the dance?" Continued Yuffie in a quieter, but still clearly audible voice.

"Mmm... I don't know, I don't know if I can get the guts up to do it."

"Come on Kairi," Yuna jumped in, "you can do it, I believe in you!"

"I just... What do I do if he doesn't want to? It would be so awkward afterwards. I tried asking him at lunch, but I completely failed."

Listening to Kairi, Riku could tell she wasn't really sad, just anxious. Kairi and Sora both had the strange ability to basically never be sad.

"_That explains why she was looking for Sora at lunch."_

Riku felt a pang of jealousy as he imagined Kairi and Sora in the cafeteria like he had at lunch, only this time, they're joking around while Kairi is trying to muster the courage to ask Sora to the dance while Sora is oblivious.

_'If they started going out..."_ Riku imagined them cuddling at school while he was a third wheel. "_It can't really be helped... hopefully they can be happy. I can't believe Kairi can't tell whether or not Sora likes her..." _Immediately following that thought, Yuna echoed it.

"You really can't tell if he likes you that way or not? Just look at how he acts around you, that should be all the proof you need."

"Well..." Kairi tried to reason, "people tend to only see what they want to. He could be acting that way for a different reason..." It sounded like Kairi wasn't even sure if she believed herself.

Riku was suddenly torn from listening to the talkative girls by the stern sounding voice of Seymour: "Since you seem to be paying so much attention, why don't you tell me what part of speech 'the' is, Kairi?"

Riku, along with everyone else in the class, turned to look at her. She looked like a deer in headlights as her eyes locked on to his. It was evident that she didn't know the answer or possibly even the question so Riku tried to help her out. He signed an "R", then tried to mime tickling as subtly as he could.

Kairi looked confused, but she put her trust in Riku, "An... R-tickle?"

"Yes, an article, Kairi. I'm glad you're paying some attention..." Seymour let Kairi breathe a sigh of relief before continuing, "to Riku." This time Riku looked like a deer in headlights as he looked up at Seymour.

"Riku, I suggest you mind your own business and Kairi, you need to start paying more attention. I want you to move to the front of the class, away from your 'girlfriends'." Seymour said "girlfriends" in a way that sounded like a mix between sarcasm and disdain.

Kairi gathered her things and moved to an empty desk in the front as some of the less mature students went "Oooooooh"

Once the class settled down and Seymour began droning on again, Riku looked down at his paper and, to his surprise, found that he had been doodling words. He tilted the paper, arced his head and squinted until he finally realized what it all said, "Get out of their way."

"_What could that mean?"_ wondered Riku.

"_It means your subconscious has already accepted what the best thing to do is."_

"_To do for what?"_

"_Sora and Kairi's happiness. You know that seeing them happily together, every day, would wear on you. Who knows what you might do to Sora if you get jealous enough..."_

"_I'm not going to listen to this right now, I don't even know what you're talking about... I don't care, they should be happy together. Someone like me doesn't have a chance for that."_

"_Just imagine... If you were gone, Kairi and Sora would be able to be happy together without you feeling like a third wheel."_

Riku did see Sora and Kairi in his mind being happy without ever having to worry about him.

"_Ugh..." _Riku shook his head to clear the image, _"I refuse to listen to this."_

For the rest of the class, Riku focused on what Seymour was saying to try and drown out the voice in his head. It mostly worked, though there was still a slight nagging. And he couldn't help but think that there might be some truth to what that voice was saying.

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As kids piled out of the bus, Sora stretched his arms and yawned. "Fridays are the best kinds of days," he said.

Kairi giggled and agreed, "I think just about everybody thinks that." Kairi turned to Riku, "I don't believe Seymour today! That was so embarrassing."

"I'm sorry," replied Riku," I guess I shouldn't have been so obvious."

"It was all Yuna and Yuffie's fault, they kept bugging me about the dance."

"Oh yeah," Sora jumped in, "did you ever ask mff-mff-mff-mff?" Kairi covered Sora's mouth as soon as she realized what he was about to say.

"Eh hehehe..." Kairi began nervously laughing, "yeah, I did ask Yuna if she had already asked Tidus. She said she _hadn't had the nerve to yet_."

"Ok..." Sora seemed confused, "why are we talking about Yuna though? What about--"

"Oh, I thought that was you that I was talking about that with, must have confused you with someone else. Anyway, how was your day, Riku?"

"Good... I guess."

"_What was that about? I thought they were talking about Sora in English."_

"_Everyone knows but you.." _Riku had a sinking sensation as that thought ran through his head.

"_She even trusts Sora with who she likes more than me even though that just happened."_

"_I guess that's not too much of a surprise, you aren't too trustworthy of a person, right?"_

Riku suddenly realized that Sora was trying to get his attention. "Sorry Sora... what?"

Sora furrowed his eyebrows, "You've been kind of out of it lately, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I've just been a little worried about school," Riku lied.

"What, afraid you might have a C? Oh no... You're so weird, Riku." Kairi giggled.

"Anyway, are you good to hang out with me and Kairi tomorrow? We want to head over to the island." Sora asked.

"I don't know, I'll probably have homework to finish up."

"Aww!" Kairi pouted for the second time that day, "It's been so long since we've been to the island though..."

Riku couldn't stand to see Kairi upset so he gave in, "I guess I'll try to get it all done today."

Kairi brightened up, "I'll see you tomorrow then, Sora!" Sora waved to Kairi and Riku as he walked into his house.

"Wait..." Riku suddenly realized where he was, "didn't we pass your house?"

Riku turned away from Kairi to look back and saw that they had, indeed passed her house. "Kairi--" He stopped short as he felt her grab his shirt sleeve. He turned to Kairi to see that she looked like she was mustering courage.

"I wanted to talk to you... alone," Kairi said as she let go of Riku.

"...What about Sora?" Riku asked.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Sora. I..." Kairi paused and said the rest as quickly as she could "I wanna go to the dance with you!"

There was an awkward pause as the day went through Riku's head and he realized how everything had actually worked while Kairi began to fumble around a bit.

"Well, I mean, if you want to, if you don't I understand, I just thought it would be nice for us to go to the dance together..." Kairi continued on as the voice in Riku's head stirred up and began frantically trying to explain away the situation.

"_It's pity! She feels bad for you so she's trying to make you feel better, not that you deserve it. Better yet, it's probably that she asked Sora and he said no so now she's desperately trying to find someone to go with, they _were_ acting weird today. I bet she wants to make him jealous."_

"Mmh, stop," Riku quietly said as he put a hand to his head, wishing the voice would leave him alone.

"Oh... Sorry." Kairi paused for a second, trying to figure out what to do. She began inching past Riku to get home. "Like I said, if you don't want to, it's fine, I understand. I'm sorry if this makes things awkward between us, I'll see you tomorrow, just act like today didn't happen." She turned and practically ran home.

Riku watched her run away and realized what had just happened. "Dammit!" He took a step towards Kairi's house before the voice acted up again.

"_Are you sure she wants to see you right now, you might have just broken her heart."_

"_And who's fault is that? I wanted you to shut up!"_

"_You wanted yourself to shut up? You're not making much sense."_

"Ugh..." Riku realized the voice had a point. He always felt like that voice came from somewhere else, it was somehow always thinking things that he had never even imagined.

"_You've always been a little messed up in the head though..."_ the voice replied to his thinking _"Anyway, back on subject: I doubt Kairi will want to see you for a while, if ever. This is probably a good thing though, you don't deserve her, you should just let her get over you and find someone who will be better to her."_

Riku really couldn't argue with that thought and turned to go home feeling very defeated.

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Author's Note: I wanted to make it a little longer, but I figured that was a good stopping place. I'm sorry, there was still a fair amount of angst, I did find some places that could do without it and, well, did without it. Hopefully these will come out quicker now that that one difficult place is done with... Can you guess what it was? You'll have to wait until the next chapter comes out to find out. XD

There are probably only one or two people who care though, lol. Anyway, like last time, let me know what you think of it, there are some places that are still a little weird to me, but I really couldn't figure out how to make them not be weird. .

Oh, and I want to make a special mention that the English class was based on my _senior _year of high school. It was terrible!


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